http://getclippings.com/image.php?id=452618 St. Louis- Enterprise CEO Andy Taylor died today in a head on collision with a Nissan Armada while driving his white Chevy Aveo. According to the companies deputy information minister, Tariq Aziz (formerly of the Iraqi Information ministry), "Just look carefully, I only want you to look carefully. Do not repeat the lies of liars. Do not become like them. Once again, I blame failingenterprise.com before it ascertains what takes place. Please, make sure of what you say and do not play such a role."
Asked why Andy Taylor, a reported billionaire was driving the suicidal death trap Chevy Aveo to begin with Mr. Aziz explained, "Andy was visiting a local branch office that had been struggling financially. These lowlife infidels had failed to reach their up sell quotas for months and Andy was deeply concerned that their disease would spread to other branches. After a full day of personal mentoring, Andy had led the branch to new records in waiver sales and tightness. In fact they were so tight that when the branch was ready to close sometime near midnight, the last cash qualifying customer arrived ready for her upgrade but there was none to be found. Andy selflessly offered his Aston Martin Vanquish to the completely satisfied LaShonda Lysol Jones.”
According to Mr. Aziz, the customer was so “wowed” that in celebration she subsequently visited the quickie mart for a few cold 40’s before her unfortunate altercation with a utility pole that left the $250,000 vehicle completely totaled. “Thankfully for LaShonda, Andy had shown her the value of the collision damage waiver which has absolved her of all financial responsibility”, Mr. Aziz added. Despite her good fortune, Ms. Jones is reported to be disputing the CDW charges.
Mr. Aziz went on to explain that after Andy had finally closed the branch somewhere around 1AM, his only means of transportation home was the white Chevy Aveo. Apparently all other employees were getting started on their next days pickups in their personal vehicles and the branch manager, inspired by Andy’s godlike sales abilities offered to walk home.
What happened next is not immediately clear at time of this publication. Conflicting witnesses report seeing the Chevy Aveo traveling northbound on the expressway just before a localized blackout that surprisingly occurred right around the time of Ms. Jones’s utility pole accident. Witnesses describe all the lights going out sometime around 2AM and hearing a terrible crashing noise.
When emergency crews arrived, there was little they could do. The Nissan Armada had completely flattened the relatively microscopic Chevy Aveo. According to police, the identification of the body took longer than usual because someone had stolen Mr. Taylor’s wallet before emergency crews arrived.
Most surprising and even more telling was what one firefighter witnessed after arriving at the scene. “I found Mr. Taylor’s body crumpled like an accordion beneath the wreckage. Clutched in his hand was the license tag which read, “My other car is an enterprise-rent-a-car.” And the scene covered in blood was not red… it was green. “