[chokeslam1]

Lets dissect this picture. Billy looks like he just graduated from a state school and is SUPER excited to start his blossoming management career. Just a few months ago he was exclaiming to his mom (in a crackily possibly pre-pubescent voice) “Mom, this is awesome. Im going to be a managing trainee in a multi million dollar business! Im going to learn so much. They told me it is not unreasonable that I could be an assistant manager in 8 months, a manager in just over a year, and two years down the road if I perform well I can be an area manager! GOOOOOOOOOOOOO ERAC!!”



Here is our little Billy, 2 months into his management training. Oh yes, it looks like Billy has been left all alone in his office because his manger hates his job and decided to go “marketing” but really he is taking a nap in a near by parking lot. Billy doesn’t know it yet, but his manager is a douchebag also. After his nap his manager will call his friends (who all work at enterprise also) and tell them how he told his employees he went out marketing but really he met up with one of the cashiers at a dealership in his area to have sex. This is of course a lie and billy’s boss hasn’t had sex in months. He is out of shape and over worked but drinks his kool-aid every morning and comes in talking about how great the company is. At company outings billy’s boss is the one trying to drop the “im a boss” line on every female that also works at enterprise at the party.



So here is billy, dealing with Mrs. Carter. You can tell from the oily ratty hair pulled back into the old scrunchy, the red unwashed t-shirt, and the 3 week old painted nails that Mrs. Carter is most likely some poor piece of crap who is going to take this opportunity to pretend that she is high society and treat Billy like shit and milk enterprise for everything she can. You can also tell from the hand on her face that she has been waiting for her economy car reservation that enterprise took and promised it would there for roughly 30 minutes. This is probably the 3rd time she has walked up to the desk from the “waiting area” to ask where her car is at. Billy has been telling her that her car is just down the street getting an oil change and should be done any minute and would be back. Billy knows deep down that he is a bad liar.

He has been looking at the computer desperately scouring the books of the surrounding enterprises to see if anyone has an extra car that he can have to get Mrs. Carter going.



He sees that all the other offices have nothing but SUV’s. Since Mrs. Carter is a poor piece of shit she only has a debit card because she can not establish credit with even the riskiest credit burrows. When Billy explains this concept to Mrs. Carter, she doesn’t understand, afterall, her debit card has the visa logo and its used just like a credit card. When Billy explains that her card is attached to a bank account with a very specific balance where as a credit card has a line of “credit” hence the name, this begins a circular conversation where Mrs. Carter keeps repeating “but it has the visa logo” and Billy has to slowly but effectively dumb it down a little more each time until she pretends she understands but really doesn’t.



While on the phone with a near by office another line rings and billy has to answer because upper management will get upset if a phone is not answered, afterall, an unanswered phone is an empty car to them. Oh, goody! It’s a near by body shop who gives Billy’s branch 2 deals a month but to hear them tell it make it sound like they are single handedly keeping the entire Enterprise corporation in business. “sure, we can pick up your customer! Whats that? yeah, of course we have cars available.” Billy knows he is lying but that is how he was taught to handle the phones. Billy finally figures out that the enterprise that is “right down the street” (enterprise code for 10 miles away, a 20 minute drive) has a car for him, it’s a 2 year old corolla that has stains and damage all over it but it’s a car. Billy tells Mrs. Carter “you know what mrs carter. Im really sorry about your wait. I tell you what. You had an economy car reservation, how about I take you down the road to another enterprise and get you going in a bigger car. On us since you had to wait, how is that?”



Upon returning, Billy’s manager, now fully rested from his nap, asks where billy was. Then he reprimands Billy for giving away a free upgrade. “Have you seen our ADR, Billy?” captain douchebag says. “What is ADR?” says Billy. The manager tells Billy that he is worthless. Billy tells him that he is hungry and asks if he can get some lunch. (captain d bag looks at his watch then to the computer) “I want to billy but we have like 3 reservations this hour. I didn’t get a lunch either, its part of the job buddy. I tell you what. I like you, Billy. Why don’t you run, literally, next door to Mc Donalds and grab a hamburger and then eat it in back while you wash that car.” “Really? Awesome dude, thanks!” says Billy. You see, Billy doesn’t know any better.



A week later corporate gets a notice that someone named Mrs. Carter was completely dissatisfied with her experience. They look up the ticket and see that it was Billy who helped her out. Billy’s area manager shows up and takes him in the back to talk about effective customer service while secretly making note that Billy is terrible and will never get promoted.