First, I know this is a little late but I am sorry for your loss.
Your issue is not the first tiem ERAC has seen this type of thing. A guy in my region went through this as well and they gave him the same lines as you. It's ok to grieve as long as you don't take too long--this is ERAC's perspective. Also another person's family member died in Iraq. According to the laws in my state you can take up to 3 months leave (non paid) and still have your job. Well after 4 weeks HR, RVP and ARM was on his backside about coming back. They claim that they are a family friendly company. We were forced to go to my psycho ex boss's grandmother's funeral....hello since when were funerals mandatory? Especially when you didn't know the person??? This was during the workday and I had to go with our RVP (my boss's boss). The only reason I went, (none of us 3 wanted to go) was because if we didn't we knew there would be "reprocussions". It was a very HOSTILE WORK ENVIORNMENT. I tried to sue but you either have to be sexually harrassed or physically harrased for it to hold up.

I am so glad I am gone.