Things you’ll see, hear, say, and do at Enterlies

Hello, I’m a former e-chimp. I’ve been emancipated from the concentration camp for almost 10 years now. Reading through some of the comments on the board, I just couldn’t help but to share some of my own thoughts and memories of my long gone, but not forgotten days at Enterlies. Rather than write up a few paragraphs in the typical editorial format, I decided to just randomly brainstorm and write down whatever came to mind. Hence, creating this list.

I welcome any former or current e-chimps to add your own thoughts to this list:

Hostile environment
Fat ass, pot belly area managers
People crying (employees as well as customers)
People screaming
Widespread panic
Out of control office
Deception
Back stabbing
Racist comments (both overtly and discreetly)
Sexual overtones, comments, and favors
Psychotic customers
Customers with poor hygiene
Vomit, syringes, condoms, diapers, feces, pistols, dog hair and saliva
Lying customers, lying employees, lying managers
Fake smiles, fake greetings, fake goodbyes
Foul language, stressed out people (both employees and customers)
6 phone lines on hold, 8 customers in the lobby waiting for a car, 2 cars on the lot, and you’re the only e-chimp in the office.
Counter dodgers
Renting cars to known drug runners and dealers
lies, lies, and more lies
Oh, did I mention lies?
“What the hell am I doing here?” is running through your head everyday.
“Hey you picked him up, he’s your customer, not mine, so you write the contract.”
Ghetto neighborhoods
Rundown strip malls with potholes in the road
Fenced in car lots to protect company’s assets (shitty cars)
The Shop-Vac nozzle sucking up your neck tie
Cash Deposit box comes up short. “Hmmm, let’s blame the car preps.”
Half senile, old drivers DX’ing the fleet
Missing car keys (most of them hidden in some e-chimp’s pocket.)
E-chimps throwing down their clip board, pissed that their customer didn’t buy into the Damn-age Waiver

“If you don’t get your percentages up, I’m going to have to write you up.”
Once nice looking dress shoes now look like they’ve been walked through a cesspool
“Is my car ready yet?”
“Hey, you don’t have to clean the damn car, I need to go.”
“Then what good is it to make a fricking reservation?”
“Do ya’ll have non-smoking cars?”
“I’m going to use my drivers license, my friend’s insurance, and my
brother’s credit card”. “What? Why can’t I do that?”
“This is the last time I come here to rent a car!”
“What kind of business are YOU PEOPLE running?”
“Anytown Ford is renting this car, not me. Therefore I’m not responsible for it!”
“I’d like to speak to your manager!”
“Were you the person I spoke to on the phone this morning?”
“Where’s your restroom?”
Crying babies and screaming kids
Air condition broke in the summer, heater broke in the winter
Scarf down a Subway sandwich during a 10 minute “lunch”
“Hey e-chimp #2, go pick up a customer at Acme Body shop, apparently they’ve been waiting to be picked for 2 hours now.”

“Mr. Big Green Cheese (General Manager) will be stopping by the office tomorrow, so make sure the office is clean, and wear your best attire.”

“There’s gotta be a better job than this.”

“THAT’S IT, I QUIT"

"That.................was awwwwwwesome."

I tip my hat off to you.

I LOVED every one of those!!!

But my favorite has to be:
“I’m going to use my drivers license, my friend’s insurance, and my brother’s credit card”. “What? Why can’t I do that?”

Too bad common sense isn't that common anymore.



I'll add a few of the one's I hear and think every day:

"Why do you have a hitch if you can't tow?!"
"Why do I have to leave a deposit, my insurance is paying for it!"
"I'm not paying for Sunday if you are closed!"
"Do you have discounts for *insert everything that pops in the customers head*"
"I don't want a truck"
"I can't drive a cargo van!"
"I'm late for my appointement!"
"Don't you have anything nicer!" -Ecar reservation.
"This car smells"
"Good job on the full boat dude!"
"I wish I were dead, no I wish that customer was dead"
"I hope they wreck that car"
"5 hours till closing"
"Is it Saturday yet"
"MMM donuts"

"I hope they wreck that car." -- that one brings back vengeful memories. I like that one.

My two favorites heard over the phone when trying to see if a person who wanted to cash would qualify without having to deal with them in person.

"What do you mean I need a paycheck stub I get public assistance won't that work."

"Why do you need a utility bill, I don't have any of those things in my name."

I liked the utility bill that was a notice of cancellation of service. Yeah-- kinda missed the point of bringing in a utility bill, bud.

UGH cash qualification. ICK I hate doing that.

I have my regulars that pay with cash, but there's always that shady customer that walks in wanting to pay with cash. It's not my car and I don't really care, I just don't want to have to hunt them down when they skip with the car.

Oh my goodness...I almost wet myself reading this.
How about,

1." You take the call, you take the haul "
2.Blind Sell-Up
3.Water Coolers being repossessed, because admin forgot to pay the bill....for 4 months!
4.The "dub" dance
5." Do you have time to talk? " the dreaded phrase any BRM or ARM hates to hear, because it translates into ..."I'm not coming back from lunch, I got a job at the Home Depot."
6.Staging cars
7.Meeting at the office on Sunday nights to wash cars
8.Pre-sold gas
9.Holding customer's belongings (or their weed) hostage until they pay their balance.
10.Hearing people on the street say, "Hey, look at that white girl in a suit stealing that car!!" I loved to repo!
11.Hearing men say 50 times a day " Oh the company that picks you up....YOU can pick ME up alright!"
12.Hearing service writers say, "you just got better lookin'" When you walk in with their beloved donuts.
13.How about the dealership that calls and is pissed you didn't bring donuts on Friday morning, because their employees depended on them for breakfast!
14.Guns in glove boxes, left behind by shady characters, that get you sued because you didn't find them.
15.Customers who claim to find used condoms in minivans after keeping the car for a two week trip to FLA, just to get the rental for free!
16.Adjusters who say, "C'mon, hook a sister up."
17.Customers who say, "I swear I thought the DW was $11.99 for the whole month I was renting the car."
18.Or, " I told so and so at the obscure, remote body shop I was dropping the car three weeks ago"
19.When you take the rez personally and 20 min. later the customer walks in and says, " She never told me about the deposit", right to your face.
20.Customers who are mad you won't promise them a red, two door, escort, with a CD player 3 Tuesdays from today.
21.Having to talk about the "4 corners of our business" until you are worn down to a NUB! Seriously how many ways are their to 1) make customers smile 2) rent more cars 3) be more profitable and 4) keep people from quitting.
A little tip folks....The wheel has been invented!!!! Giving away all the free cookies and sodas in the world won't make customers any happier!!!
Holy cow...I started this rant with just two ideas to add. I had no idea I had so many. I feel so much better. :)

Meeting at the office on Sunday nights to wash cars That takes ERAC to a new low. I would NEVER do that sh1t. *shakes head*

Customers who are mad you won't promise them a red, two door, escort, with a CD player 3 Tuesdays from today. What is it with some customers and car colors?! I had a guy tell me on the phone, "And it better not be red!", when sure enough right in front it was red. WFT?!