Quote:
Originally Posted by chokeslam1  and now another installment of... Life at Erac...
Typical area manager to MT conversation:
Im not going to lie, listening to you answer 2-3 phones at once while alone in the office brought back some fond memories of when I used to work at the branch level. and I must say, you handled them like a champ. A champ who has taken their grill and is ready to run her own office... except that it looks like your branches esqi was a little low which means you cant grill this month... but peter, the half retarded monkey that works over at 15-FU, yes the 7 car branch, has an immaculate ESQI score. What? No I don’t see the correlation between the fact that the half retarded monkey at 15FU at the 7 car branch has an easier time keeping customers happy because they average 1 customer/day as opposed to you at the 130 car branch. Whats the difference? Ill tell you. Peter the monkey doesn’t make excuses like you do. his numbers? Oh, Peter is selling at a 300. yes, that’s right, a 300. yeah, you see half retarded monkeys are smart enough to learn to slam people.. all you have to do is make 3 small "x" marks in the "accept ins" boxes and people just sign them. That way Ralph calculates full boats. Then when they come back Peter just, with a smile on his face, apologizes and waives the ins for the customer 531'ing everything, not recalculating mind you, so the customer is happy and his numbers, though false, are not affected. Peter, the half retarded monkey is what we here at enterprise refer to as "the model employee". A brainless, half retarded, go-getter with upper management written all over him. Better stay on his good side, he will most likely be running this area someday. And someday soon. Goooooooooooooooooooooo ERAC! |
This conversation is followed by a quick high five with subsequent high fives to every ERAC employee in the office. However, when the Area Manager goes to high five the car prep, he gets the cold shoulder. You see, the car preps are wise to how much BS this guy throws around. It's too bad little Billy will have to be there a few more months before he begins to question, "six years, six figures."
As time passes, Billy is beginning to doubt he will make it to Andy Taylor's position. He is hopeful, however, that he will land at least an RVP job sometime in the next 8 years or so. One day, Mrs. Carter comes back in for another rental because her 13 year old rusted Neon was in a fender bender. Miraculously, the insurance company didn't total it but did manage to get her a ECAR reservation with ERAC. She is wearing the same red scrunchy from the last time, but her nails are now a different color and are still cracked and peeling. Like the other MTs, she appears to have put on some weight since the last rental a few weeks ago. As soon as she enters, all the other MTs suddenly begin talking on phones where dial tones are audible in the background or ducking back into the washbay. You see, no one wants to help Mrs. Carter because she looks like she does not have enough money to buy damage waiver. Plus, all the MTs know that she was unhappy with her last rental and do not want to deal with her. Billy's manager, who is about to quit as he has another job lined up, sees her come in from behind his tinted office glass and pokes his head out to ask Billy to help this customer since everyone else is "busy". Billy lets out a faint but audible groan. It's actually his stomach rumbling since it is nearly 3PM, and Billy has not had a lunch. His manager mistakingly thinks he is showing attitude and tells Billy that he needs to be a team player with a positive attitude if he ever hopes to become a Branch Manager someday. Though Billy is running ragged, the pep talk works as Billy prances up to the counter while his manager shuts the door and goes back to playing solitaire and updating his resume. As Billy talks to Mrs. Carter who remembers him from the last time, a slew of customers come in and the other MTs hang up their imaginary conversations and scramble to help them. Mrs. Carter mentions to Billy how she hopes what happened last time does not happen again. He assures her that they have what she needs on the lot and will not have to drive to another branch to get a car like last time. He then asks for her driver's license and credit card. She pulls out the same debit card from the last rental, which starts the circular conversation of debit is not the same as credit. Mrs. Carter says she was her last time, and they let her use it. Billy says he will take care of it and accepts a $50.00 security deposit on the debit card since Mrs. Carter informed him that he would not be able to authorize much more than that. Luckily, it has been a slower day and there are exactly three cars available on the lot - a Chevy Aveo, a Cargo Van, and a dented up 2005 Chevy Silverado with 45K on the clock. There is also a brand new Cadillac CTS sitting there as well, but that is reserved for the Cadillac dealership customers only. Billy asks Mrs. Carter to follow him outside to "see what we have." Even though Billy is not supposed to rent out trucks on a debit card, he immediately takes her over to the pick up because his Branch Manager has told them to try and sell up to it no matter who it is. Billy proceeds to tell her how great the bench seat is, how it has tape deck, awesome V-8 power, all while failing to mention that the last oil change was 10,000 miles ago, it gets 10 mpg, it is riding on the original factory tires, and that it is surprisingly difficult for a 5' tall 250 lb. woman the likes of Mrs. Carter to climb up in to. He then explains that for a few dollars more, he can set her up in the truck instead of the Aveo. Mrs. Carter says that she refuses to pay a penny more than what the insurance is paying for. Billy relents saying that if she wants the truck, she will only be responsible for the tax on the rental. After all, it has power mirrors and locks! Still adament about not paying any extra, Mrs. Carter refuses until she spots the black CTS. She then asks Billy if she can get that. Billy tells her it is reserved for the dealership and that he probably could not rent that on a debit card. Mrs. Carter then goes into a rant about Billy being a racist for not letting her have the Cadillac, even though she is willing to let him authorize at least $75 on her debit card for it. Billy tries to explain how it is reserved but gives up seeing he is getting no where. She finally agrees to take the Aveo, and the pair head back inside to only to find that another MT has rented it to a customer while he was outside trying to upgrade "Mrs. Carter." The other customer decided to take the truck, so now all that is left on the lot is the Cadillac and the Cargo Van. Billy then tries to tell Mrs. Carter that a cargo van is all that is available and if she would take it for now and come back later to do a switch out. Mrs. Carter immediately asks to speak to the manager and says she cannot drive something that big, even though her occupation is that of a truck driver at least according to RALPH. Billy's manager who could care less because he is quitting at the end of the week decides to work out a deal with Mrs. Carter that the Cadillac will be $15 per day on top of what the insurance is picking up. Billy finished up the transaction and sends her on his way after patiently explaining all the functions to the curious Mrs. Carter. Billy's manager then reprimands him for not upgrading Mrs. Crater into the Cadillac to which Billy replies that he thought they absolutely could not rent those on a debit card. Billy's manager says that it was okay since he authorized it. Perplexed, Billy goes about answering the phones.
A few weeks later, Billy's new branch manager comes up to him with Mrs Carter's contract complaining that he can't do any more deposits on the debit card, even though the car is a month late. It appears the account was closed. They have tried calling her several times a week only to discover the number was disconnected. Later that afternoon, Loss Control calls the office to say that the car was found abandoned and stripped downtown and the cost is going to hit the branch directly. Billy's employee number is on the ticket, so he not only gets reprimanded from the branch manger and area manager for not properly underwriting, he also is humiliated at that month's sales training function where the story is brought up time and time again. Though the RVP and RRM smile about it and use it as an example during training, they both have decided that Billy's days at ERAC are numbered. First they will refuse him "the grill", but the first step is moving him to the worst performing branch in the area...
2008-02-07 
Re: there was a picture to go with it, but the point is not lost 
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