If you're on your way out, send an email like the one I did to your entire group before you make your exit. Here's a copy of the one I sent from home the day before I quit. You'd think they would disable access to your mail account when they suspend you so jackasses like me would not be able to do this.
Aloha GP36!
I am pleased to announce my departure from ERAC. As some of you may know, today is the last day of my 2 week suspension. I was suspended for HORRIBLE attendance. I am living proof that you have to be total retard to get fired from ERAC. They didn't even fire me, they just suspended me (probably to get me to quit and prevent me from filing for unemployment). So, yes, I QUIT! Congratulations, ERAC, you win! Thanks for the vacation. I got a tan, did my spring cleaning, spent time with my family and friends, helped my brother move, and got a new job. I'm sorry I won't have that Doctor's note when I come in to clean out my desk and get my bike on Tuesday. I admit, my attendance (or lack thereof) was under my direct control and I have no one to blame, but the insanity of the job nearly drove me postal.
Here are the top ten reasons why I am thrilled to be out:
1. Taking reservations for cars that don't exist - book every deal!
2. LYING to my customers about why their reserved car is not there (you all know the creative excuses we use) - it's really funny when the regulars are standing in line waiting to see what sorry excuse for a vehicle we are forcing them into this week, and they overhear us using the same "I'm soooooooooo sorry, your car is being washed/gassed up/didn't get returned on time/was in an accident/we don't have that kind of car at this office even though our website and reservation line both say we do so for $10.00 more I have this fabulous MINIVAN for you, mister Greenpeace-environmentally-conscious-hybrid-car-owner-who-only-needs-a-car-big-enough-for-one-person, and I'm sorry your parking stall is too small for this MINIVAN and I know it will cost you $300 for a tank of gas, but it's all I have right now....OR I could drive you to WAHIAWA or KAILUA or BACK TO THE AIRPORT WHERE YOU JUST CAME FROM if I can beg a car out or them (and then the poor idiot gets something hideous like a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire or whatever monstrosity is left on their lot - like that 20,000mile LOFR with bald tires, vomit stains, cigarette burns, and burned out tail light that they are not hiding so no one will try to gain it - say I'm lying!) TEAMWORK RULES??? MY EYE!
3. ESQi - WHAT A JOKE! to 90% of you, it's a number that can help you get promoted if high enough. Most of you only care about because it makes you look good or gets you on that top performer list (which, as expected, I am missing from for the month of May, even though I out-performed and out-sold many of you who made the list - look at the May matrices for pack sales and top performer). I care about ESQi because it measures how we treat customers, human beings, someone's mom, dad, sister, brother, child, grandmother, grandfather - and lying to someone's mother about why their reservation is jacked up or rolling someone's grandma in a car with bald tires and stains, expired reg and safety check is so INCREDIBLY WRONG, and if someone did that to my mother or grandmother, I would want to plant my foot in his face. So why do we do it every day to someone's mother or grandmother?
4. Cleaning cars (because the car preps didn't show up again - yes that's who I learned it from) with a broke-down shop vac with masking tape all over the hose to hold it together, a bucket of filthy water, a dirty rag, some watered-down Windex, newspaper (until we got a BM that wasn't too cheap to buy paper towels and a new vac) $9 BILLION, huh?
5. Selling coverage (or as some MT's do, SCARING the hell out of customers or badgering them into taking coverage) that increases ERAC's paycheck, but not mine. They say the real money comes when you get promoted. I can only think of 3 people in GP36 with a paycheck worth bragging about, and the only opportunities being created for us are from people quitting, which if you haven't noticed, are being filled by people from other groups cUz uS LoCaLz NoT SmAhT EnUfF. If Todd Wheeler can do it, why can't we?
6. NATRES, or as they say, NAYUT RAYUZ - what idiots! Why don't you book a Jeep Wrangler for one day at branch 3615 for a customer who is coming in on a cruise ship at 5:00pm on a Friday and not bother to tell them that Branch 3615 does not have Jeep Wranglers, does not pick up from the pier, does not drop off at the pier, and is only open until noon on your return date, so they will have to an 18 hour rental instead of a 24 hour rental. OR...we can move the reservation to 3611 which also does not have Jeep Wranglers (then do the old MINIVAN switcheroo on you when you arrive) but can pick you up, however you still have to return by noon (11:30 if you want a ride back). Or...we can move the reservation to 3606 which HAS Jeep Wranglers, but does not pick up from or drop off to the pier, BUT you can return the rental by 5:00pm the next day. OR...move the reservation to 3611 which can pick you up, do the whole MINIVAN thing, charge you $30 to drop it off at 5:00pm the next day at 3606 or 3617 or 3614 and you can pay another $20-$30 for a cab to the pier. OR...the customer can just show up and call 3615 from the pier to get a ride and have all of this sprung on them at 5:00pm on a Friday because NAYUT RAYUZ only got a home phone number (if any) so no one could call and warn the customer in advance. Call NATRES and ask any of them how many branches are on Oahu. I bet out of 10 NATRES employees you survey, 10 will be shocked to find out there are more than two branches on Oahu.
7.
Enterprise Rent-A-Car: Rental Cars at Everyday Low Rates - about as useful as NATRES. Here's the Scenario: Customer walks in to 3606, one of the busiest branches on the island in the middle of peak travel season at 8:00am on a Saturday.
MT: Good morning, how may I help you? (or as some tacky employees say, LICENSE AND CREDIT CARD.)
CS: I want to rent a car.
MT: We only have reserved cars at the moment, but we can get you going this afternoon
CS: Never mind, I want a car now
Customer leaves. Customer returns 15 minutes later, proudly wielding a lovely little printout with a confirmation # on it from where else but
Enterprise Rent-A-Car: Rental Cars at Everyday Low Rates MT: Good morning, how may I help you? (or as some tacky employees say, LICENSE AND CREDIT CARD.)
CS: I have a reservation for an economy car, here's my confirmation number (proudly shoves confirmation paper in MT's grill)
You know how the rest of this story goes, so I'll spare you the details.
8. What in gay hell is a subcompact? And why does everyone ask for one? Who invented that word? Sub=below. Compact=tiny. SUBCOMPACT=BELOW TINY! What do you want, A FREAKIN MOPED??
9. ERAC promotes based on numbers, rather than reality. Sure, they promote from within, but it doesn't feel any different than hiring from outside when they bring in ignorant jerks from other groups who have no respect for the cultural differences in Hawaii and make racist remarks to people who are indigenous to the Pacific Islands. The person I am referring to probably has no clue what indigenous means, so here ya go- indigenous: having originated in and being produced, growing, living, or occurring naturally in a particular region or environment <indigenous plants> <the indigenous culture> synonym see NATIVE. People who are totally clueless about customer service, profitability, employee morale, TEAMWORK, and everything else needed to be an effective manager are running branches right now. Meanwhile, people who are SUPERSTARS when it comes to management get passed up over and over because their number suck. Maybe their numbers suck because the ineffective manager above him/her is holding him/her back. It kills me to know that people like KOYU WENTY have not been promoted yet! She lives and breathes the message in Exceeding Customer Expectations: What Enterprise, America's #1 car rental company, can teach you about creating lifetime customers. How many GP36 employees actually read it? I did, and the lessons it teaches were lessons I had already learned. I suspect that the people like myself who have read it didn't learn much because we already have it in us, and those who need to learn it have not even unwrapped it from the brown paper it came in, or it's still in the bottom drawer of the desk it got shoved in the day it arrived at the branch.
10. "Management Training Program" LOL - First of all, training is what you do to animals. Educating is what you do with people. When does the "training" part happen? The most training I received was on day one (9 months ago), listening to Dee (she's so precious) read to Maria and I for 19 hours straight, and then last month, thanks to the arrival of a new BM. Thanks for everything Nate, I love you, sorry I let you down, you are the most passionate, caring, hard-working manager I have ever worked with, and I'm sorry you came along too late in the game for me when I was already burned out. I hope you get back all that you put into it.
Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings....no I'm really not because it's the truth, and sometimes it hurts. Besides, it's just an email, and it won't be long before everyone has talked about it, heard about it, posted messages about it on
www.failingenterprise.com (don't click the link, it won't work at the office), and it's long forgotten...or at least anyone who was around now is long gone or dead from a job-related stroke or heart attack.
I wish you all the best! Wait...how does that generic birthday message go? May all your dreams and wishes come true! (I got mine 3 days after my birthday)
S**** K*****
Enterprise Rent-A-Car Company of Hawaii
FORMER Management Trainee - 3606 (Waikiki)
445 Seaside Ave. Suite 3C
Honolulu, HI 96815
Phone: (808) ***-****
Fax: (808) ***-****
2007-06-13 
Re: 2 weeks unpaid vacation WHOOHOO! 
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