Employee Benefits

There has been a recent change to Employee Benefits.

Please find a copy listed below.


NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the Managers office when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hours leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to....or after death.


This new benefit program started yesterday.


PDF (Acting HR Manager)

[caloomba]

Hi, it's 1996, welcome to the internet.

[FailingEnterpriseAdmin]

Originally Posted by ERAC WIZORD

There has been a recent change to Employee Benefits.

Please find a copy listed below.


NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the Managers office when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hours leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to....or after death.


This new benefit program started yesterday.


PDF (Acting HR Manager)

OK, this is obviously a joke, and not written by PDF, but please, don't impersonate anyone here. Enterprise gets really bent out of shape and it violates our Terms of Use.

Originally Posted by FailingEnterpriseAdmin

OK, this is obviously a joke, and not written by PDF, but please, don't impersonate anyone here. Enterprise gets really bent out of shape and it violates our Terms of Use.

Sorry Admin, i was obviously having a nightmare at the time.

Keep up the great work Admin.

OK Guys and Gals, sorry for the joke here is the real information.....

www.enterprise.com/eracpeople

I hope it helps with your sickness queries, holiday requests etc etc.

Wonders never see.

Originally Posted by ERAC WIZORD

There has been a recent change to Employee Benefits.

Please find a copy listed below.


NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES

SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors statements as proof. We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the Managers office when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hours leave without pay.

DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone your job prior to....or after death.


This new benefit program started yesterday.


PDF (Acting HR Manager)

this is clearly not PDF, he wouldnt be this generous...unless you are a spinless drone who has been 'green nosing', then you will get a guarantee + payback written off.